your parents love me but you hate me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize