I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize