Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
