She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
