Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
