Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
