if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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