Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
