My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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