i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
