grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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