i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
