Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can I color on your dick again?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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