Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
