Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
