I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
