All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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