I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize