It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
