I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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