alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
we should paint friendship bongs
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