I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
