I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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