So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
