so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
