I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
where are my eyebrows?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
