i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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