I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
