I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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