Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
