Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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