Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
