i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
