my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
