guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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