fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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