i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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