oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
