Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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