I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
