He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
