This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
