no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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