We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
