he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
