He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
