What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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