I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize