I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
