Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize