I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
