I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
