the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
