ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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