It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
