sarcasm needs its own font
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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