Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
