woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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