She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
