Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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