Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
