So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i drank out of a bidet.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
