You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
