also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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