Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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