Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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