I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
