Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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